Maybe I am just being a jerk.
On most occasions, I am.
I haven't been talking to my friends for quite some time now. My theory is that I am giving them time and space to think about our relationship. I can't say it is working.
I sit alone and I think about the relationships that circle me.
The problem with my friends is that they don't know how to prioritize. They have a chosen life, very clear of distractions, very straightforward.
I am just the contrary. I don't have a chosen life neither do I have a strict vision. I vary when my friends are stable.
This does not put us in a easy situation. We almost always have issues that swim upfront, then settle when not disturbed.
This is the phase which is going on for the past few weeks. We don't call, we don't talk. We just carry on with our lives like we know the other is doing.
It is sometimes so strenuous. Sometimes, one of us wants to give up knowingly or gives up unknowingly.
I miss my friends. I miss talking to them. I miss sharing my life events with them. I just miss that aura that we had once.
At some point in time, we all drifted apart. A forced sentence, a should-not-have-said word and here we stand, two weeks later.
When I think of it, I find myself right. I know that I can expect their time, I can expect their commitment to our friendship. I can expect a good friendship.
We are all single, students, interns, working. We are young, free of commitments, disciplined, and deserving.
If not now, then when?
How is it that sometimes, we overlook friendship in the chaos of life? How is it that friendship never asks for a little concern, a little extra commitment? Why is it that a boyfriend, an exam, or a spiteful job takes the lead?
How is it that friendship is allowed to swim through the veins and exited in the gallows of a cold life?
Why is it that friendship pays a price and yet, we lean on to it in times of crises?
I am angry sometimes. I feel like a disgruntled teen sometimes- exactly like I feel now.
Maybe I should give some space. Maybe I should not think too much.
Maybe I can just forget and forgive.
Maybe I should focus on other things.
Maybe it is time to open myself to newer possibilities.
Things have to fall into place. At least eventually.
